I have clearly never been very good at this whole blogging thing. It's a good thing I never tried to do it as a business, or I'd have been broke a long time ago. :) However, sometimes I just need a place to put my thoughts or a way to let other people see what/how I'm thinking. It also seems like a somewhat less threatening/scary way to tell people I love what's going on in my life. Instead of having to call and talk and answer questions, and try to think through and understand the stuff in my head all at once so I can explain it to them I can write it down. Then they don't have to read it. I don't have to try to explain it in one go. It sounds like a pathetic excuse to avoid human interaction, but I promise it's not. It's just what works for me when it comes down to the hard stuff. I also have it lucky because as long as I don't have to know who's reading this, I don't care. I'm fine being open with my thoughts and problems, even with complete strangers, as long as I don't have to directly face their reactions.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about anxiety. That makes sense considering how anxious I've been for the last couple of weeks. As I've explained to many people, anxiety doesn't really make sense; It's not logical. Take the last two weeks or so as an example. I'm in school full time, taking 15 credits, but I'm not working. I'm not overwhelmed by the homework load. I understand the material in my classes, and I like my teachers and fellow students. I have great roommates who I get along with. Despite all this, despite the fact that I have no logical reason, I have been growing increasingly more and more anxious for the past week and a half. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do: taking my medicine, eating my vegetables, sleeping at least 8 hours a night, and yet I'm still anxious. I struggle to fall asleep at night because my body is stuck in a cycle of anxiety, I wake up every morning still exhausted because the anxiety drains so much of my energy. Every day is a struggle to control the anxious feelings so that I can interact normally in my classes and finish the homework and studying I've been assigned.
Naturally I want to know why I'm feeling so anxious and how I can stop it. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the answers. I'm pretty sure that the increasing anxiety is at least partially caused by not knowing why I'm anxious and being anxious about being anxious. It's a vicious circle. I want to do something about it, but every time I come up with a possible solution, thinking about implementing it makes me more anxious all over again. Anyway, I'm out of time for now, but that's how it is at the moment.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about anxiety. That makes sense considering how anxious I've been for the last couple of weeks. As I've explained to many people, anxiety doesn't really make sense; It's not logical. Take the last two weeks or so as an example. I'm in school full time, taking 15 credits, but I'm not working. I'm not overwhelmed by the homework load. I understand the material in my classes, and I like my teachers and fellow students. I have great roommates who I get along with. Despite all this, despite the fact that I have no logical reason, I have been growing increasingly more and more anxious for the past week and a half. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do: taking my medicine, eating my vegetables, sleeping at least 8 hours a night, and yet I'm still anxious. I struggle to fall asleep at night because my body is stuck in a cycle of anxiety, I wake up every morning still exhausted because the anxiety drains so much of my energy. Every day is a struggle to control the anxious feelings so that I can interact normally in my classes and finish the homework and studying I've been assigned.
Naturally I want to know why I'm feeling so anxious and how I can stop it. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the answers. I'm pretty sure that the increasing anxiety is at least partially caused by not knowing why I'm anxious and being anxious about being anxious. It's a vicious circle. I want to do something about it, but every time I come up with a possible solution, thinking about implementing it makes me more anxious all over again. Anyway, I'm out of time for now, but that's how it is at the moment.
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