I had a literary turn of mind this morning as my cramps started. My cramps always start right before I start bleeding, and I've always wondered if cramps are just my uterus being angry at me for not being pregnant. Now I'm not the one choosing to ovulate each month so she can't be mad at me, but this thought stream had me imagining what my uterus would say if she could talk.
The Menstrual Cycle: A Monologue by My Uterus
*OVULATION*
“Ooh look, an egg! I must be about to grow a baby! I’d
better build up a huge cocoon of softness to protect it.”
*ALMOST TWO WEEKS LATER*
“Hmmm, this baby isn’t really doing any growing… I wonder
what’s up. Wait… this was a trick! I’m not growing a baby! I grew all this
squishy gross stuff for nothing! GET OUT!!!
*CRAMPS*
“Ahh, all that squishy gross stuff is gone. I’m never
doing that again!”
*A WEEK OR SO LATER*
*OVULATION*
“Ooh look another egg! I’m sure it will actually grow to
be a baby this time. I’ll start on my cocoon of softness.”
*ALMOST TWO WEEKS LATER*
“Hmm, better check on my baby. It’s not growing… I’ve
been tricked again!!! GAH!!! Get rid of the squishy gross stuff NOW!
*CRAMPS*
“Ahh, all that squishy gross stuff is gone, no more
reminder of my baby not growing. I’m never falling for that trick that again!”
*A WEEK OR SO LATER*
*OVULATION*
“Look another egg! I’m like 90% sure it’s a trick, but I’m
also super desperate to grow a baby so I’m going to grow my cocoon of softness
anyway just in case.”
*ALMOST TWO WEEKS LATER*
“Hmm, better check on my baby. It’s not growing… I guess
I saw that coming… I’m so SAD!!
*CRAMPS*
“Ahh! Squishy stuff gone, and a clean slate. Somehow I
get the feeling this is becoming a cycle with no way out.”
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